Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll prefeaces A LEGACY OF LUDICROUS LIES with this note: “My second installment in the ‘Conversation on Race’ will appear next week. The Dallas memorial service was the same day I had to send in my column. I feel compelled to opine even though many others have already done so. Combating lies about guns is in my wheelhouse.” She writes:

Once upon a time, a couple of decades ago, a dear friend had a very troubled teenage daughter. One particular evening, she conspired with a girlfriend to sneak out and see much older “boys,” some of whom should have been in jail. My friend, a self-employed, beleaguered, single father of three, had a business appointment and came home to find a note from his daughter saying that she was staying at Susie’s house for the night, but he shouldn’t try to call to confirm because “Susie’s mother had the phone off the hook because of obscene phone calls.” Mildly plausible. Good effort. It might even have flown. Except that…

Unfortunately, wadded up in the wastebasket below the desk the note was on, were the first drafts of several earlier contenders. Our hands-down favorite was “You can’t call Susie’s mom because squirrels chewed through the phone lines.” Genius! But, alas, rejected. Ah, teenagers. They always forget that we were teenagers too, and as the saying goes, “I may have been born at night, but it wasn’t last night.”

I was put in mind of the squirrels chewing through the phone line lie when I read Obama’s moronic whopper at the memorial service for the murdered police officers in Dallas.

For it was in Dallas that we learned that “It is easier for a teenager to buy a Glock than get his hands on … a book.” Now first of all, Obama doesn’t know a Glock from a Sig from a Kimber. The same way he couldn’t name a single White Sox player while pretending to be a yuge fan. Someone told him a Glock was badass. But seriously? THAT’S what you’re going with? Your average paperback costs less than ten bucks and a Glock runs to hundreds, probably even stolen. How dumb do you think we are?

And what’s up with this “we” who “flood poor communities with guns”? What “we,” Mr. Fast and Furious? I own several thousand books, and a few weapons; yet, not one gun has flooded or even trickled into another community. Black criminals and black gangstas flood their own hapless communities with drugs, violence, driveby shootings and inflict general misery on decent black people. No white folks in the vicinity. Further, I would guess that in my Arizona community of Geezer-Americans, there are multiple guns in every household. And nobody gets shot – ever! Let alone 40 on a long holiday weekend.

The gun and book lie is almost certifiable. Good Lord, I would like to have seen the crumpled up first drafts for that one:

“How ’bout ‘it’s easier for a teenager to find a gun than a condom?”
“No, they give condoms out at school.”
“OK, OK, how ’bout easier to find a gun than arugula?”
“No, Michelle made sure arugula is part of every discarded school lunch.”

Besides, WHAT teenager? Both the Dallas and Baton Rouge killers (may their names and memories be erased…) were adults, one even too old to be on Mommy’s insurance. Their training in the military was paid for by taxpayers of the country they hated. The problem, Mr. President, is not that black “teenagers” cannot locate a book, but their profound lack of interest in them. My foster son got 3 A’s and a B one quarter. He was told by his gangsta pals that those kind of grades were a white thang. So the next quarter he got 3 Ds and an F.

Any boy over age 10 can locate porn on a computer, a skill he shares with thousands of mopes employed in government. Surely, he could also find Amazon and order any book in the known world.

Also, there was this terrible white capitalist man named Andrew Carnegie. He didn’t go “clubbing” in the VIP Room with $7,000 bottles of champagne. No, he built hundreds and hundreds of these buildings we call “liberries” that are chock full of books. FREE for the borrowing!!

(Plus, Abraham Lincoln had only the Bible to read growing up and he did alright.)

There are books at Walmart. Books at Target near the bathrooms where the men pretending to be women hang out. Literally. Books at most malls teenagers roam and even at Walgreens. As a teenager I babysat for twenty-five cents an hour mostly for an opportunity to read other people’s books.

Obama’s lie was a disgrace; the narcissistic speech grotesquely inappropriate. All the cops should have turned their backs on him the way the New York cops did with de Blasio. Except they were in too much grief and pain to have the energy to get political. Also, in the South, they have manners. And oh, yeah, W – that alleged terrible speaker? – was gracious, moving, brief as Lincoln, and pitch perfect.