Just what we need to go along with the indispensable Thomas Friedman Op/Ed Generator at this current moment: the Celebrity Perv Apology Generator, which will cough up fake but accurate assortments like this:
As the father of daughters, I am deeply ashamed (but not “sorry” because that means I’m guilty of something). I comforted myself by saying that at least I asked before I “honked” her boobs and demanded she watch me shower, and of course now I realize my behavior was wrong. In conclusion, I will wait 2-3 years before reappearing in film and TV and just sort of hope you all forget about this.
Just keep clicking the “Try Again” button till you come to one that fits the person you have in mind. Like this:
As a male feminist, the allegations against me are troubling. I was intoxicated at the time, and of course now I realize my behavior was wrong. In conclusion, I will devote my life to finding the real Golden Globes party molester.