Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll wonders: WHAT DO THE NAKED LADIES SAY? She writes:

I know whenever I wonder what side of an issue to come down on, the first place I go for guidance is to naked people.

Well, okay, full disclosure (as opposed to full dis-clothes-ure), I am but a poor clueless married white woman leeching off my husband, so the FIRST place I go is to ask my husband to tell me what I think. Hillary said so and, since even a blind pig finds an acorn once in a while, she must have accidentally got something right. Everybody who knows me knows I always seek my husband’s permission before opining on anything, even the weather. But, after THAT, or in case he is writing, or having a nap, I seek out naked women for advice.

I have lived long and prospered in this great and good land. I am a reasonably intelligent person. And I cannot for the life of me figure out why taking off all your clothes strikes some women as a powerful tool for persuasion. Men, maybe, can be at least temporarily distracted by it, but why would it impress other women? I HAVE those parts, ladies. They are available for viewing every morning after my bath, and I must confess that there are times when I affirmatively choose NOT to look too closely, but sprint right out of the master bath in a large beach towel to a bedroom lit with only flattering candlelight to don something black or with vertical stripes. Perhaps if I “sprinted” more often these measures would not be necessary. But back to the ladies posing for naked election ads.

Possibly these are women who have for too long hung around icky men like Harvey Weinstein and Matt Lauer who consider naked subservience to be but the first step in any negotiation? Possibly a few of these more attractive women have found that getting naked helped them get a “leg up” in the business or entertainment world, or possibly even both legs. After all, Chelsea Handler’s autobiography is entitled My Horizontal Life. Nuff said. So though I didn’t click on her naked image, maybe she was really just showing off or advertising.

I remember several marches against various wars by the screeching harpies of Code Pink who went at least topless, if not stark nekkid, to draw attention to their cause. Because nothing says “War is hell” like wrinkled cleavage. Remember, young people: That tasteful little rose tattoo at the TOP of your breast can, in later years, become a long-stemmed rose down by your waist. Think before you ink.

Sadly, many of the Code Pink marchers, and many women in the naked midterm election picture undoubtedly stimulated in the viewing public, not political agreement, but immediate commitment to drastic low-carb dieting. If not deliberate blinding with whatever implements came to hand.

But I’m still trying to get a handle on WHY they thought it would be effective. What is the connection between nudity and political persuasion in their tiny minds? Now I’m going to say right here that I would mud-wrestle Nancy Pelosi naked in Macy’s window if she were forced to convince the Democrats to fund and build the wall if she lost. But I can say that with complete confidence because it’s never going to happen. And would, in any event, be a very unfair fight, even without involving firearms. My brother was a high school wrestler and I know some cunning moves. Plus, Nan looks like she would cry if you even messed up her hair.

I saw Chelsea in a little piece on Breitbart looking very haggard and the worse for wear after the election and she was just soooo sad and ashamed to be white. She had just learned that a sizable majority of white women voted for Ted Cruz instead of Dreamy Beto, the Drunk Hit and Run Guy. Oh, the humanity! And she felt very strongly that white women should NOT vote in their own self-interest but think of OTHERS. Haha, what a moron! Virtually every conservative position that is good for ME is good for everyone. The robust economy? Record employment? Respect for cops and the law? Stemming the tide of cheap, illegal labor? Which of these things is bad for people of color, O Bimbo in the Buff? Please describe and show your work.

All these pathetic losers can do is name-call with “sexist” and “raaacist” being two of the few words they know. Plus, “white privilege.” Not even to mention that white women went for Cruz at about 59% whereas black women went for Beto at 95%! A great big ol’ monolithic voting bloc, a “blacklash” as Van Jones would have it, but that’s just peachy keen. However, if the white women vote splits 60/40, it’s a sign of virulent racism! Never mind that “Beto” is as white as the driven snow and Cruz is not. Logic is clearly not the strong suit of a woman in her birthday suit. So just to be clear, 95 percent of black women voted for the white Irishman. What the heck? Do black women “hate brown people” which is the scurrilous charge repeatedly hurled at us citizens in favor of enforcing borders?

But back to the nudity. How come it’s only women who get naked for a cause? You just never hear men saying, “We’re going to take off all our clothes to promote the idea that we should lower the deficit.” You may hear of men appearing in semi-tasteful beefcake poses for a calendar to be sold for a good cause. But my guess is that most of the buyers are friends, family and gay men. Women just don’t have the same interest in random naked men that men seem to have in random naked women. Probably something to do with biology. Oh no, wait, I forgot that men and women are EXACTLY THE SAME, biologically. So that must not be it.

Now, fellas, I have seen some of you shirtless at ball games with sports team names spelled out across your chests, and Chippendale dancers most of you will never be. And that’s okay, because nobody is breaking down my door begging me to dance around a pole, either. But, while I appreciate naked enthusiasm for sports teams, I cannot imagine modifying my political stances because of the sight of you. All due respect. So, I think nudity in the cause of politics is misguided at best, and dishonest at worst. Because, what is it really? Just a pathetic, sad cry for attention. Am I wrong?

Oh, and speaking of naked promotion, it has come to my attention that some of you have failed to get your book reports in in a timely fashion. I refer, of course, to your 5-Star Reviews of my book (and Max Cossack’s) on Amazon. Tucker Carlson is #1 in Political Humor books, people, with 816 reviews at last glance; whereas, I am #32 in that category, with NINE reviews. Heck, even Max has 40 reviews, just 10 shy of the Magic 50 Number that Amazon prizes. See the difference? Only you can turn that around. Wouldn’t it be awesome if a book with Power Line in the title was in the top 10?

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