Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll happily shares a few thoughts about THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. She writes:

Ignorance, it has been said, is bliss. In which case you would surely guess that the Democrats and the congressional freshman twit class in particular would be the happiest people in the world. But you would be wrong. No, they are not happy; they are filled with venom, hatred, envy, resentment, and bizarre endless, self-generated rage. How tedious and depressing it must be to live with one of them!

One of the problems with living long (and prospering), is that one has seen it all before. Why, I was but a misguided young lass speaking at an anti-war rally at the University of Minnesota after the 1970 Kent State shootings when a disheveled young man no one had ever seen before on campus rushed the stage, grabbed my microphone, and screamed, “They’re building concentration camps in California!” This was when college students were sturdier than today’s crop, so there were a few shrieks of alarm and then the kids went back either to studying for finals or trying to score with that long-haired person of either sex next to them.

Ah, yes. Nixon was Hitler. As several have pointed out previously, not too long after that, Reagan was definitely Hitler and, then, at last the loons got a name with an “H” in it, so they could append “itler” onto George W. Bush’s name. I was by that time, “transitioning” from a moderate Democrat to a conservative, but even I thought “Bushitler” was a mind-numbingly stupid and wildly-inaccurate nickname. Especially for what seemed – even when I disagreed with him politically – to be a nice and sincere gentleman, if anything TOO nice and entirely unwilling to defend himself or, by extension, those of us who supported him. And yet Bushitler appeared on hundreds of signs for 8 years.

But, while those previous pikers were “kinda sorta Hitlerish,” it took the acumen of the ironically-named Joy Behar to suss out the truth that Donald J. Trump was “LITERALLY” Hitler. No pale orange imitation he but the real deal. Of course, she also said that Trump’s collusion with Putin meant we would soon see the Russian flag flying above the Stars and Stripes over the White House, so consistency, or even lucidity, is not her long suit.

But how did the rest of us – especially the JOOZ who voted for him! – miss such obvious similarities between Hitler and Donald J. Trump? When it was clear that:

Hitler killed either “several” Jews (according to Arab sources) or 6 million Jews (according to the Nazis’ own meticulous records). Donald J. Trump has killed no one. Ever.
Hitler was a vegetarian – DJT puts ketchup on his steak.
Hitler died a virgin – whatever else happens to DJT, that will not be happening.
No German media outlet dared to criticize Hitler – no American media outlet dares to say a single mumblin’ positive word about DJT lest they appear to “normalize” him.

I could go on.

Another endlessly recycled scary scenario is to suggest that whatever Bad Fascist Republican President is in office that he will not leave when he loses the next election or his two legal terms are up. This was suggested most recently by Juan Williams, who I have always said seems like the sweetest person to be wrong about “literally” EVERYTHING.

The old and still sometimes funny SNL did a skit during Reagan’s term wherein Nancy had to be hauled kicking and screaming from the White House. It goes without saying that Bushitler was not going to leave. Oopsie. He was unusually gracious in showing the Obama family the ropes in the White House and reportedly he and Michelle remain close friends.

It was political savant and actress Gwyneth Paltrow who gushed to Obama her wish that he could be President for Life, (a la Papa Doc Duvalier, Fidel Castro, or Fatty Un) because – wait for it – he was just so gosh-darned good-looking. Oh, my.

Speaking of actresses, Debra Messing – Mr. AG had to tell me who she was; that’s okay, she’s never heard of me, either – stirred up a Twitter storm when she baked Vagina Cupcakes for International Women’s Day, March 8th, and then had to fall on her sword or rolling pin or whatever because NOT ALL WOMEN HAVE VAGINAS!

Let us not dwell overlong on what the Vagina Cupcakes looked like, complete with sprinkles to represent hair, lest I never eat another cupcake again. (Personally, I might have just gone with the Vagina Donut.) But the point is that she was forced to grovel for the grave sin of failing to pretend that men who haven’t even gone to the trouble of mutilating themselves can still be women.

She said she meant no offense and intended the treats to be “sassy.” There will BE no “sassy” in the New World Order, luv, nor any kind of fun. Remember Afghanistan where you could be punished for kite-flying? (Jerry Seinfeld: “evidently the Taliban were afraid someone would discover electricity…”) (AG: has Venezuela thought of kites?)

And so I repeat my oft-offered mantra: in times like these, it is a revolutionary act to laugh in the face of the lynch mob; happiness is not only a goal, but a weapon. Of course, it is no substitute for an ACTUAL weapon, and I heartily encourage you to own several, but it is a potent weapon nonetheless.

Want to buy some Instant Happiness? Order Max Cossack’s terrific new book — Zarah’s Fire — off Amazon and curl up in bed with your cat, dog or sweetie. Wait for the book to arrive. Something will probably occur to you while you wait. More happiness! If you are a Prime member, it could be a short wait for the paperback or no wait at all for an e-book.

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