Speaking of Slow Joe Biden, Ammo Grrrll declares he is NOT EVEN CLOSE….She writes:
Our shambling, rambling, pathologically lying, senile kleptocrat of an occupant of the White House (a/k/a The Big Guy), said a couple of weeks ago that Climate Change is scarier than nuclear war. No joke, man! I disagree, and I regret, not all that respectfully. And I submit my case as follows:
THINGS THAT ARE SCARIER THAN NUCLEAR WAR:
THINGS THAT ARE SCARIER THAN “CLIMATE CHANGE”
(WHICH COULD MEAN GLOBAL WARMING A DEGREE AND A HALF OVER 100 YEARS WHEN EVEN GRETA THUNBERG AND EVERYONE CURRENTLY OVER THE AGE OF 15 WILL BE DEAD …OR POSSIBLY A NEW ICE AGE…OR HURRICANES WHICH HAVE NEVER APPEARED ON EARTH BEFORE OR WHATEVER YOUR BETTERS SAY IT MEANS AT THE MOMENT)…
1. Okay, first of all, doesn’t a nuclear Holocaust CAUSE Nuclear Winter? Would that not be a scarier immediate change of climate than one degree of heat in 100 years?
4. Tens of thousands of foreign invaders a month pouring across our Southern and Northern borders, including but not limited to cartel members, gang members, drug mules, known terrorists, unknown terrorists, rapists, convicted murderers from other lands, child-traffickers, parasites looking for lifetime handouts, and a few nice desperate families looking to work and contribute.
5. Ebola Virus. Well, pretty much any of about 100 wretched diseases, including many medium-serious ones the invaders have not been vaccinated against. Oh, well.
6. Listening in an endless loop to the sound of Joe Theisman’s leg being broken.
7. Listening in an endless loop to Yoko Ono singing.
8. Being an ISIS “bride.”
9. A panel discussion on the Infield Fly Rule with Fetterman, Feinstein, and Joseph Robinette Biden, moderated by Keith Olbermann and Howard Stern, if he can be coaxed out of his basement in a full hazmat suit for the second time in three years.
10. Arizona without Air Conditioning or Minnesota without heat.
11. Being trapped in an elevator with The Squad AND the harpies of The View. Haha! I know – right? — that could never happen because the entire cast of The View PLUS the anti-Semitic dingbats from The Squad could never fit in one elevator. Psych!
12. Being forced to spend several hours in a Time Share Presentation. Mother, a child of the Depression who never got over it, loved free stuff. She was willing to sit through whatever they threw at her for the free dinner at Joe’s Crab Shack or a new muffin tin or electric blanket.
But she had an iron resistance against high-pressure sales techniques. They could have waterboarded her and she still would not have bought a Time Share. But she would make sure she still got the come-on prize. Once when I was a senior in high school and the culture still expected young women to get married early, a cookware salesman knocked on our door and promised Mama a pizza pan if she allowed him to display his wares and give his spiel. She said, “My daughter is going to college. She will not be needing cookware for some time. We are not going to buy anything.”
He had been trained in a sales seminar to believe that “no” meant “possibly.” He asked to come in. Mama again said, “Honestly, we are not going to buy anything.” His spiel took the better part of an hour. When we, in fact, did NOT buy anything, he became enraged and threw all his display stuff back in his kit and stomped off to his car. Mama followed him out and demanded the pizza pan or she would call the police! To my certain knowledge, she never made a pizza in her life, but as God is her witness, she wasn’t going to be cheated out of her free pan. Man, I miss her.
13. Spelunking anywhere, but especially underwater.
14. Losing so much weight that I look like girly-girl anorexic Dylan Mulvaney in a one-piece swimsuit. Lordy, I just want to give the poor huckster some Brisket and Mashed Potatoes. Or Noodle Kugel and a nice piece of mince pie.
15. GAINING so much weight that I am asked to represent Dove beauty products.
16. The fact that most of our prescription drugs are made in flippin’ Red China. HOW in the name of all that’s Holy did this HAPPEN? Can you imagine the war effort if Nazi Germany had just been able to say, “Well, no more metformin or Losartin, ampicillin, statins or Prozac for YOU!” Sure, eventually, we upped our industrial capacity like gangbusters and put ladies in factories day and night to crank up munitions delivery. But you can’t wait several months for your insulin, can you? Or your antibiotics?
17. Drag Queens shakin’ their privates in the faces of little kids. I’ll go out on a limb here and say that I don’t want ANY adult of any race, creed, gender or sexual preference shaking his privates in the faces of little kids. And I for sure don’t want Privates – or even Lt. Colonels – shaking their newly-discovered “authentic self” stuff in front of children. Or, frankly, being in the military at all.
18. My 6-year-old granddaughter coming within 100 feet of Joseph Robinette Biden. Unfortunately, I don’t have a granddaughter. But a lot of YOU do.
19. MY government paying taxpayer money to a lab in Communist China to figure out how to make a problematic viral bioweapon even more deadly. And the guy in charge of that making tens of millions off of it. Well done, Fauci. Say, have y’all had your 47th boosters yet? None for me, thanks. Heck, I don’t even get annual flu shots – and I have had the flu once in 50 years. Es verdad.
20. The fact that no crimes traditionally committed by Criminals of Color (or even Criminals of Pallor) are designated as crimes any more – carjacking, shoplifting, drug dealing, looting, arson, blocking freeways, felons owning guns, throwing Asian women onto subway tracks – the list goes on. Fight back and YOU will be the one facing jail time, so check your privilege. If you aren’t scared by that, I can’t help you.
21. Joe Biden running again. AND WINNING. Or almost worse – Joe Biden going to his reward brunching with Epstein, Pol Pot, and Joe Stalin, and Kamala Harris becoming the first beige trollop to wriggle her way into the history books. At least we would kill two birds with one trollop: First Woman!! (stipulating that I am NOT a Biologist…) Oh Joy, O Heaven On Earth! First Light Beige Woman! Historic! OMG, you guys, I am crying at the very thought of it just like Oprah did at Obama’s inauguration! But maybe not for the same reason.
My biggest fear – yes, bigger than my nonexistent fear of Climate Change – would be that Kamala would cackle so loud it would set off the nuclear trigger. And then we’re back to “see first paragraph.” Feel free to add your own fears. This column is your Safe Space.