In getting ready to review Pascal Bruckner’s terrific new beatdown on environmentalism, The Fanaticism of the Apocalypse, I was pondering his discussion about, of all things, Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho and my favorite camp-classic, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, and I got to wondering—why don’t we have some remakes of classic films within the horizons of today’s environmental correctness? How would Psycho’s famous shower scene go with a low-flow shower-head? Probably more blood than water going down the drain. And quite obviously Attack of the Killer Tomatoes would be redone with genetically modified tomatoes. Perhaps it would have to be retitled Frankenfood Meets Whole Foods.
How about reshooting the famous car-chase scene in Bullett with Steve McQueen in a Prius instead of a Mustang? Or an electric car whose battery runs dead after 15 minutes?
Put Burt Reynolds in a Nissan Leaf (please—the world would end) and it would have to be Non-Smokey and the Shoplifter. And in the TV version, if we put Boss Hog in a hybrid, will the show have to be downgraded to The Squires of Hazzard?
Other obvious ideas to conjure with:
CHiPs on mountain bikes instead of Harleys.
Driving Miss Daisy . . . in a Tesla.
Casablanca’s new script: “Of all the Vegan joints in all the university towns in the world, he walks into mine. . .”
Some other possibilities: Recyclers of the Lost Ark. Dr. Strangedata: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Global Warming. Gone With the Windmills. Endangered Groundhog Day. A Desire Named Streetcar. Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Rail. Van Jones and the Temple of Doom.
But just how would a Network remake work out in today’s media landscape? I guess Howard Beale would tweet out that he’s mad as hell and not going to take it any more. And then flip over to Fox.
Power Line disclaimer: No actual clichés were harmed in the making of this parody.