Climate Shark-Jumping Goes Past Eleven

One of my guilty pleasures is the silly Sharknado “movies,” so naturally I had to take in Sharknado 5 (“Make America Bait Again!”) on Saturday night. Seriously, just how did this movie series get green-lit by any movie production company in the first place? I’d love to hear a recording of the original pitch. “Yeah, we’re going to make a movie starring a washed-up lead from Beverly Hills 90210 where he defeats flying sharks with a chainsaw. . .”

If you’ve never seen one of these campy classics, they are mostly an excuse for non-stop pop culture references and cameos. I especially liked Geraldo Rivera re-enacting his famous Al Capone empty vault stunt from 1986.

To mix my own pop culture references, Sharknado takes shark-jumping way past eleven. It’s like someone put Evil Knievel in charge of shark-jumping metaphors.

But even the madcaps behind Sharknado can’t keep up with the shark-jumping abilities of the climatistas. Anyone remember about ten years back when David Roberts of Grist said that someday we’d need to have Nuremberg Trials for climate skeptics?

When we’ve finally gotten serious about global warming, when the impacts are really hitting us and we’re in a full worldwide scramble to minimize the damage, we should have war crimes trials for these bastards — some sort of climate Nuremberg.

Roberts, by the way, is now employed at Vox.

The idea didn’t go down very well at the time, and Roberts regretted it. But the idea is baaackk!

A website called EV World (Subtitle: World of Electric Vehicles) yesterday ran a fantasy story about the climate “crimes against humanity” trials of 2029. Here are a few excerpts (complete with misspellings and grammatical errors):

Hypothetical Climate Crimes trials projected to held in the year 2029 as a stark warning to humanity we do not want to let things go until we reach such an impasse. This story is meant to be a cautionary tale.

(Authors note the year 2029 was chosen here primarily to make this future trial coincide with the life times of the participants in these crimes. A later date like 2049 would find most of these criminals deceased from old age.) . . .

The Defendants: Note, Only American and European Oil Company Execs were tried at this trial. Exxon Mobil, Royal Dutch Shell, British Petroleum, Valero Energy, Chevron Corporation, Marathon Petroleum, Conoco Phillips, Koch Industries. Duke Energy, Engie, National Grid, Next Era, EDF, Enel, Dominion Resources, Iberdrola, Southern Company.

USA Federal US Government Presidents, Senators, Congressmen, EPA and Department of Energy officers, 1970 -2020 European leaders, GB, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, and Switzerland 1970 – 2020.

Automobile Manufacturers, General Motors, Ford Motor, Fiat Chrysler, Toyota Motor Company, Volkswagen, Daimler, BMW Group, Honda Motor, Nissan Motor, Hyundai Motor.

The Trial was held in The Hague, Netherlands in 2029 from November 2028 to August 2029.

The Background, starting in 2017 Abrupt Climate Change begins exponential ramp up with amplifying feedback loops kicking in with a vengeance. By 2024 up to 5 C warming was being seen on the land in the interior areas of most continents. . .

There follows more such parade of horribles, none of which are currently predicted by the IPCC for the year 2029, or even 2049. So much for “following the science.”

The verdicts came down in August of 2029. Sentenced to death for the critical roles they played in retarding any meaning action to mitigate climate change in the United States were as follows: Sen. James Inhofe, Marc Morano (CFACT), Chris Horner (CEI), Myron Ebell (CEI), Steve Milloy (CEI), Patric Michaels (Cato Institute), Bjorn Lomborg (CCC), Matt Ridley (CWPF), Christopher Monckton, Fred Singer, Roy Spenser (sic).

Lamar Smith (R-Texas), Donald Trump (President 2017-19), Mike Pence (President 2019-21), Ken Blackwell (Head Domestic Issues (2017-21), Ben Carson (HUD), Myron Bell (EPA), Michael Flynn (was already in prison), Nikki Haley UN Ambassador), Mike Pompeo (CIA), Rick Perry (Secretary of Energy), Reince Priebus (Chief of Staff Trump admin briefly), Scott Pruitt (EPA Admin), Thomas Pyle (DOE), Jeff Sessions (Attorney General under Trump), Rex Tillerson (Secretary of State-Trump), Ryan Zinke (Sec of Interior).

You may note here that the death sentences handed down were heavily weighted towards the Trump/Pence Administration 2017-21 but there was a cogent reason for this. It was determined that after the ratification of the Paris Accords in December of 2016 that the new Trump Administration withdrew the United States from them in May of 2017. This act at this most critical juncture with little or no Carbon Budget left cemented in Abrupt Climate Change for the whole planet although the USA only represented only 25% of the emissions. This was enough to damage irretrievably the momentum coming out of the Paris Accords and to cause other countries setting on the fence to back off their efforts even if they did not publically announce. . .

The Koch brothers were executed. . . Surprisingly GW Bush was only given a 20 year sentence. (Emphasis added.)

There’s more, but you get the idea. Talk about jumping the shark!

There is no individual listed as the author of this unhinged screed. I have fun calling these fanatical sad sacks “climatistas,” but sometimes “climate haters” seems like it is more accurate. (Worth reading the comments, which are mostly negative.)

P.S. One of our sharp-minded readers sends in this sensible question: “How could they hold the Climate Denier Thought Crime Trial at The Hague when under their climate scenario all of the Low Countries would be underwater?” Heh.

CORRECTION: As I’m unfamiliar with EV World and its format, I missed that the author is in fact identified. He is John Gilkison, and is described as follows: ”

John Gilkison is a professionally-trained astronomer who works for the New Mexico State University in Las Cruses. He chaired committee that wrote Las Cruces, NM Outdoor Lighting Ordinance in 1999, which was adopted in 2000. He incorporated the National Public Observatory (www.Astro-npo.org)in 1999.

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