• Anyone buy the official explanation that the erroneous “inbound missile” alert in Hawaii was the result of a mere keystroke error by someone in the office? Me neither, though it reminds me, in these fraught times of red buttons on desks, of the old observation that if there really was a literal nuclear launch button on the president’s desk, someone would have long ago set a coffee cup on it and blown up the world.
I wonder if they are covering up a hack, or if a rogue “resistance” employee thought he could cause problems for Trump, like the outgoing Twitter employee who briefly shut down Trump’s Twitter account a few weeks ago.
Meanwhile, a spy satellite captured this photo of the North Korean leadership enjoying Hawaii’s Twitter feed yesterday:
And if you really want to see a panic in the streets, how about we get this Tweet going around Hollywood:
• Speaking of really loose ends, should we start making book on when the Harvey Weinstein Redemption Tour and PR Rehabilitation Offensive will begin? I say it’s probably three months out from now. I’ll bet Baba Wawa will come out of retirement to do the obligatory interview on the couch with Weinstein, where he will grovel about what a sick man he was and how he had been conquered by his demons. He will probably have dieted and lost 25 pounds, and become a tee-totaling vegan.
Meanwhile, Bill Cosby’s retrial for sexual assault is scheduled to begin in April, and I’ve been wondering why there hasn’t been more speculation about how out #MeToo moment may affect his chances with the next jury. AP ran a story about this question a couple days ago:
The shift is clearly on Cosby’s mind. He quipped to a reporter after shaking her hand Wednesday outside a Philadelphia restaurant: “Please don’t put me on MeToo.”
Legal experts say the seismic change in believing and supporting victims of sexual harassment and assault — and the near-immediate ramifications for so many famous men — will surely trickle into the Cosby retrial.
How long can his legal team tread water?
• Quick, who said this:
“I think it’s so irritating that once I die, 55 percent of my money goes to the United States government. You know why that’s irritating? Because you would have already paid nearly 50 percent—it’s double tax.”
The answer is—Oprah Winfrey! I’m starting to warm up this Oprah 2020 idea. I wonder whether she’s as orthodox a liberal as the panting Democrats think. Chaser from Oprah:
“The most pain I feel — my accountants will tell you this — every time I write a check to the IRS. It’s a ceremony. They come in — for years they came in with wine — now they come in with tequila.”
• Reminder: If you haven’t already done so, be sure to dial in to our latest podcast, with comedian David Deeble. We’ll have a new one up some time this week.