Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll pays tribute to NANCY PELOSI: HOMESPUN PHILOSOPHER. She writes:

I suppose it is a matter of opinion whether or not it is constitutionally permitted to engage in Nancy Pelosi’s infamous shouting of “Wolf!” in a crowded theatre. Personally, I believe it is, although it may hinge on how the Wolf chooses to be addressed.

But I can promise you shouting “Wolf” or “Javelina” or “Gnu” is unappreciated once the feature film begins. Cellphone users and shouters of random animal names in a Minnesota theater – crowded or otherwise – are liable to meet with the Minnesota-approved severe ”half-turn with pursed lips,” precursor to the dreaded “full-turn with shaking head, more in sorrow than disapproval.” Because the only sin in liberalism is being “judgmental.”

Mr. AG believes that I could match Mrs. Pelosi aphorism for aphorism as one of my lifelong favorites has always been “I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it,” a reference to my habit of stomping off several jobs without having other employment lined up. It’s probably hard for my loyal readers to imagine, but your Ammo Grrrll used to be something of a hothead.

Thank goodness I spent the last 30 years of my working life SELF-employed as an entertainer. I was born to be self-employed. And asked to become so on numerous occasions. And even then I failed to ever win “Employee of the Month” even once. I’m so congenitally anti-authoritarian that I couldn’t even take orders from myself. If I was supposed to write a new routine for a corporate banquet show by Saturday, and it was now late Thursday night, I would feel an urgency to alphabetize my spices instead.

But I digress from the topic at hand, which is the incomparable wit and wisdom of Nancy Pelosi. Fresh from her triumph as champion of illegal immigration until the Dreamers ran her off the stage, she opined that illegal immigration was an act of love if small children were involved. And how about armed robbery if you promise, swearsies, to buy toys for your kids with some of the loot? Let’s take a stroll down Memory Lane of Nancy’s Greatest Hits.

In one famous YouTube presser two weeks into President Bush’s second term, some Democrats were gathered in a diverse little clump, as is the custom. And Speaker Pelosi – front and center – said there was “nothing, nothing” which she could work on with the President because his promises were “a hoax. A hoax.” Even Mad Maxine Waters turned around to look at the colleague behind her with a “WTF?” look on her face.

Nancy has also gone charging to the other side of the famous “aisle” in order verbally to attack Congressman Tom Marino (R) Pennsylvania. She must have nearly capsized Sen. McCain (D-Arizona) whose chair is IN the aisle, the better to stroke Schumer’s, uh, hand. Nancy was shrieking repeatedly that Marino was “insignificant.” At which point she was restrained and removed by the Sergeant at Arms, who must get as much work as the much-ballyhooed Maytag repairman of yore.

These displays and many unhinged orations have raised serious questions about her mental or physical health. We may be looking at an entirely new definition of “Nanny State,” i.e., a Syndrome in honor of Nanny Pelosi, characterized by freezing up and repeating some mindless phrase like a broken Chatty Cathy doll whose string has been pulled too many times.

And so we look at some of Rich Nancy’s words of wisdom, fit for a Poor Richard’s Almanac. I stipulate in advance that some of the “quotes” may not be 100% accurate, a technique I learned is perfectly kosher from every single dealing I’ve ever had with “journalists.” Some are direct quotes and some are what I’m pretty sure she really meant. I also include a feature that Poor Richard missed, which is my own response to some of her real statements. So off we go, and enjoy!

“The Boy Who Cried Wolf in a crowded theatre was eventually burned to a crisp when the firefighters never came because he had yelled Wolf instead of Fire too many times.”

Building on her infamous “We have to pass the Affordable Care Act to see what’s in it,” she later is reputed to have said, “Let’s buy that gazillion-dollar dress before we try it on.”

“If everybody had free health care, nobody would need to work and we could all become poets. Like that Emily Lazenfuss who built the Statue of Liberty and wrote that beautiful poem for it. ‘Give me your poor, your tired, your tubercular masses and let them huddle in somebody else’s neighborhood.’”

“It’s not the size of the Speaker of the House, it’s the size of the great big stupid gavel she is shlepping.”

“Remember, a frown would just be a smile upside down if it weren’t for Botox.”

“And by the way, THAT was an applause line.” (Oh, honey, I learned the hard way that if you have to TELL your audience to laugh or applaud, you have already failed…AG.)

“The poorest people in America are infants and children! Infants and children!” (Yes, Nancy, their net worth is appalling, and job discrimination against them is rampant, the infants in particular. AG.)

“What a terrible thing it is to lose one’s mind.”

Oh wait…that was poor Dan Quayle having one of those brain-freeze moments we have ALL had, trying to remember the motto for the United Negro College Fund. Sorry, Nancy, you can’t get credit for every great turn of phrase, though this one is a singularly appropriate classic. It now pretty much describes the entire Democratic Party.