Ammo Grrrll lets her imagination run wild: OH THE FUN WE’LL HAVE…WHEN WE ACT LIKE THEM. She writes:
As the brilliant and funny Kurt Schlichter says repeatedly: “You guys are gonna hate the new rules.” And we have so many of those new rules now; it’s time to redeem a few of those “Get Out of Acting Like a Civilized Grownup Free” Cards.
Let’s start with emulating Obama’s buddies in Iran and open every morning bell of the Stock Exchange and every session of Congress by chanting “Death to the Country du Jour!” One day it could be Iran; the next day, Cuba, or Yemen; the day after that, Germany. (Ally, schmally; I hold grudges.) Remember, they started it.
Think of the opportunity it would afford for entrepreneurs to manufacture different flammable flags. Naturally, the flag of the Country of the Day would be set ablaze. Instead of The Great Satan and the Little Satan – such cleverness can scarcely be topped – we will call the designated Death-To country The Big Doody-Head. And its smaller ally “The Little Poop in the Pants.” A subsidiary business to the flammable flag industry would be making dummy likenesses of each country’s leader. These could be burned like the flag, or merely hanged.
In 2008, some madcap gay boys in California hanged a likeness of Sarah Palin on their front porch until their less unhinged neighbors persuaded them to take it down. Countless people have made likenesses of President Trump as targets of abuse. Not just current officeholders could be available “effigy-ready”; even has-beens like Hillary and non-celebrities like your neighbor who starts leaf-blowing at 7:01 am (HOA compliant by a full minute) could be special ordered with an enclosed photo.
A third marketing opportunity would be for bloody severed heads of such notables as Shower Boy Weinstein, Teen Texter Weiner, Girlfriend Beater Schneiderman, sports figures in bad slumps, teachers you didn’t like, whoever. We can all just wander around with our own personal severed head. Something that classy should not be confined to just one nasty, foul-mouthed, brain-dead anorexic. Only Deplorable wet blankets failed to find the humor in posing with a bloody severed head of the President of the United States. A chicken in every pot and a bloody severed head for every merry prankster!
But wait…there’s more! Moving right along, we now realize that throwing beverages at restaurant patrons with different opinions from our own, is like, totally righteous and also quite humorous. It is especially good fun if that person is with her mother. Haha. Good to know.
This should make dining out quite the adventure going forward when the ante is upped from water to red wine to hot coffee. It’s all good. Haters deserve it. Guess that tired old “War on Women” theme is so yesterday. Read the comments in the various leftist publications chortling over the assault on Tomi Lahgren. Heck, it was a laugh riot. We will expect the same reaction when we do it. Goose, meet Gander. Find out where Anderson Cooper or Rachel Maddow or Al Sharpton has brunch and bring a garden hose. There’s no such thing now as a moisture-free lunch or a peaceful brunch. That option is off the table.
Remember, they started it.
There was near-universal leftist hand-wringing over the Hamas body count (some of which bodies were surprisingly lively in their shrouds, perhaps in premature anticipation of their sweaty 72-virgin screw-a-thon). All those poor Palestinians had done to the awful Jooz was light hundreds of tires on fire, and have squads of known terrorists ready to go on a murderous rampage if the women and children breached the wall. Oh, they also sent incendiary kites over the wall. You know, a typical peaceful protest. And the Jooz had the temerity to take no casualties.
I have already begun to stockpile old tires and kites in anticipation of obtaining one of those Hollywood Maps of the Stars’ Gated Mansions. Remember, celebs: no shooting! You hate both guns AND border walls, so get ready to learn the words to “Joshua Fit the Battle of Jericho” cuz your walls are definitely going to “come tumblin’ down.”
Finally, there will be mass kneeling. No, not kneeling at Mass, that’s a given. We will kneel everywhere – in the aisles of Walmart to protest the injustice of not stocking plain Corn Doritos; during high school fight songs to protest some athletes having a disparity of talent; in the main entrance to the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion to protest the absence of Jason Statham or Dwayne Johnson in the Hottest, Manliest Actor Category. We will kneel on the beaches, we will kneel in the workplace, we will kneel in the Post Office line to make the line go even slower. All kneeling, all the time! Except for Tim Tebow. Kneeling to pray not allowed!
For protesters too lazy even to kneel, you can always stage a die-in at your local supermarket. Protest doesn’t get any easier than this. Lying down pretending to be dead in hopes of disarming law-abiding Americans while simultaneously inconveniencing shoppers is – evidently – totally legal! However, nudging the “corpses” lightly with your steel-toed boots to determine whether they are as dead as advertised is not legal. Bear that in mind, no matter how tempting it might be. Accidentally dropping a dozen eggs, or spilling a full 2-lb pail of Karo Syrup on the hair of some of the corpses would fall into that grey area of legality. It might be better to check with your attorney in advance of a clumsy accident. Remember, you can channel Clapper and say you were trying to “help.” I’m pretty sure the Jets owner said he will pay any fines you incur.
Order your Full Leftist Fun Kit now while supplies last – a unisex severed head with multiple Mr. Potato Head-style accessories and wigs, a flammable flag, a limp starter dummy of Hillary including a variety of ugly yet pricey 2XL pantsuits in heavy quilted burlap for summer; a full set of used radials, several kites, some Antifa masks, and Presidential Kneepads! Act before midnight to receive a large water glass in a generic enough design to blend into the stemware of any restaurant. Karo Syrup not included. (Karo is the dreaded High-Fructose Corn Syrup and cannot be handled safely. It is thick, viscous, supernaturally sticky, and would take forever to wash out of hair. Word.)
Please note: Dummy Hillary doll Not Available in Wisconsin.