Can I Get a Haircut? [with comment by Paul]

My wife and I are surviving the Bizarro Shutdown of 2020 very nicely. Grocery stores are open, Walmart is open, Target is open, Total Wine is open, Home Depot is open. But small business is being discriminated against, and one category in particular has become an issue: people who cut hair. Because haircuts are, supposedly, supremely dangerous.

As a pathologically law-abiding person, this has been a problem for me. After a few months without a haircut, I am getting seriously shaggy:

Just kidding. That was me at age 18 or so, as a sophomore or junior in college. You can tell by the proletarian work shirt. This is what you look like if you graduate from high school and just stop getting haircuts.

Still, it is true that I am getting shaggy. And I notice that mysteriously, journalists and politicians don’t seem to have the same problem. A friend writes:

Regarding Dr. Fauci–not about anything he said, but about how he looked. He obviously had just had a very nicely done haircut…perfectly coiffed, you might say.

So, while it may appear frivolous, it actually is not, to ask: where did Dr. Fauci get his haircut? As far as I know, haircuts are illegal now except maybe in Georgia (I’m thinking of driving to Savannah to get one, I’m so desperate!….more hair than I had in 1978!) and Florida and maybe a few other places. Certainly not in D.C. or Maryland or Virginia. So how is it that Dr. Fauci has a great and obviously recent haircut?

Of course, it’s a rhetorical question; I know the answer. But it’s infuriating….and telling.

Also, Jim Acosta is always nicely coiffed, too, and others. How is that?

The same goes for everyone on television news. Because they are…special. Or essential. Or something. While the rest of us conspire to obtain a much-needed haircut.

The woman who cuts my hair started doing so when she was maybe 20 years old. That was 35 years ago, or more. Needless to say, we are now good friends. So I texted to inquire whether she is doing illegal haircuts. The upshot was that I got the first available legal appointment, on June 3. By which time, I will look rather ridiculous.

It is a small point, but every time you see a well-coiffed journalist or politician on television, you should ask: why is it that he can get a haircut, and I can’t? Nothing exposes the class divide like an “emergency.”

PAUL ADDS: I’m getting desperate for a haircut too. I didn’t let my hair grow as long as John did in college, so currently it’s longer than it has ever been, I think.

We feel terrible for the two women who cut the hair for our family, both of whom we’ve known for some time. In April, recognizing that they would likely be shut down through May, we offered them both money to ease their financial burden.

One of the women, originally from Vietnam, politely declined our offer. The other woman, originally from El Salvador, accepted but wanted the money to be applied to future haircuts.

Like so many Americans, they don’t want handouts. They want to work.

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