Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll announces GOOD ORAL HYGIENE & OTHER GOOD NEWS. She writes:

In an amazing coincidence, I was having MY teeth cleaned the same week as Beto O’Rourke! Dental Mania! I did not think to livestream the event for my tens of fans. My hygienist is Laura, not Diana, like Beto’s. And I knew you’d want to know that. By the way, my actual real middle name is Marie, so in the future, I would like to be referred to as Ammo Maria Grrrll (or Ave Maria, if you prefer). Cool Hispanic nicknames all ‘round! What the heck happened to the cardinal sin of “cultural appropriation”? I can’t wear hoop earrings, but this fourth-generation Irish skateboarding man-child can be called “Beto”?

I am thinking of what other events I could livestream to show what a regular, ordinary, presidential timber sort of person I am. Even though, as I explained last week, I am not even a presidential twig, let alone timber.

I have a routine colonoscopy scheduled for 2055 – I schedule them every 50 years — so stay tuned. It will be tastefully filmed, I assure you. When I was a new mother in S.F. in the early ’70s it was not uncommon for people to have colorful photos and even videos of their childbirth experiences. Now, that is swell for a PRIVATE FAMILY memento. As party fare, not so much. Was it just me who thought so?

They put me in mind of a wonderful quote I saw from a little girl’s book report, “This book told me way more than I wanted to know about penguins.”

Well, several of those photos showed me way more than I ever wanted to see of my friends’ nether regions.

“Would you like to see the hour-long video?”

“Uh, no, really, those Polaroids were fine. Do you have any more bourbon? Or some smelling salts for my husband? Boy, look at the time! Honey, didn’t you have to change the oil in the car? No, Sunbeam, you’re right that we don’t HAVE a car, but he is going to practice on our friend’s car in case we ever get one in the future.”

Had I even been inclined to film my baby’s birth – which I was not – “would you like to see a Caesarean?” is probably a non-starter, even in Crazy Cali.

AND NOW, FOR SOME EVEN BETTER NEWS THAN BETO’S CLEAN TEETH!

Alrightie! Volume 2 compilation of Ammo Grrrll is out on Amazon. Ammo Grrrll Aims True covers the “Ammo Grrrll Year” from March of 2015 to March of 2016. It is a period fraught with drama, tension, unhinged celebrities, and more than enough Republican candidates to field a football team. With subs, coaches and equipment managers.

The 2016 campaign will also put the final nail in the coffin of pretend “unbiased” news. From here on in, there will be outright undisguised advocacy for the Democrats. Across the board. It had been ever thus for quite a long time, but the media had felt it was important to maintain a fig leaf of neutrality. Now there’s no leaf or even a small fig to cover their perfidy.

Even Fox News got involved in the fun with snotty personal debate questions from Megyn Kelly. She disgraced herself, left Fox for greener pastures, in which, with breathtaking speed, she wore out her welcome with the folks she was sure would love her. She retired with only $69 million dollars, a Law Degree, and exceptional good looks to fall back on.

I wonder how unwelcome I would have to get to have the Power Line boys pony up $69 million to make me go away. $69,000? How ‘bout $69.00, fellas, which would finance a decent dinner out in the Dusty Little Village with drinks? No?

Well, then I guess I’ll stay right here. I have only been alone with Scott once in a crowded restaurant. And other than once sharing a lane at a tactical range with John, well documented and with security cameras in abundance, I have never been around John without his stunning, smart, charming wife, Loree. I have never met Paul or Steve. So my chances of a #MeToo bogus lawsuit are slim and none, notwithstanding that in an embarrassingly large number of instances the accusation does not have to rise to anything more horrifying than a childish comment about a Coke can. So no big paydays for me.

Back to Book Two. I honestly believe that this volume will be a crowd-pleaser, containing, as it does, two of my very favorite columns, complete with pictures suitable for framing. Please buy the book, review it with 5 stars on Amazon, and tell your friends. Thank you. Your reviews for Volume 1 were beyond anything I could have in good conscience even made up myself. Mama, who thought I walked on water, would have blushed at some of the reviews. Bless you all.

My plan is to have Volume 3, Ammo Grrrll Returns Fire, out in mid-to-late-February. More or less. Give or take. Ballpark. That one will include my response to Hillary’s bizarre and infuriating designation of you, me, and everyone we know as Deplorable. In a “basket,” no less. And the actual election. You won’t want to miss it. I hear it had quite the surprising outcome! But I don’t want to spoil anything.

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