Search Results for: grrrll
February 2, 2024 — Scott Johnson
What we have here is/are LIES AND MISINFORMATION, a 3-part Series — Part 1: LIES WE TELL OURSELVES. Ammo Grrrll writes: Where would we pathetic, disappointing human beings be without “the little white lie”? If we honestly answered every inquiry as to whether or not “this dress makes me look fat,” or if we think that hideous haircut is flattering, we might have no friends. With few exceptions, men would
»
January 26, 2024 — Scott Johnson
Ammo Grrrll sees EVERYDAY MIRACLES IN THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. She writes: Before we begin today, let me just say that EVERY SINGLE TEAM I developed the slightest rooting interest in during the playoffs – LOST! Hoping to monetize this skill, I am offering to root FOR the opponents of your pet team for a price. Say, $100? A girl has to use what meager skills she has.
»
January 19, 2024 — Scott Johnson
What’s so funny ’bout peace, love, and A FAILED LIFE COACH? Ammo Grrrll writes: Trigger Warning: the following column COULD possibly be considered “sexist” or “unfairly stereotypical.” If the talking points I raise do NOT apply to you, then why be offended? And if they do, perhaps it will be a classic “teachable moment.” In any event, it is My Truth and therefore unassailable by any form of Logic known
»
January 12, 2024 — Scott Johnson
Sign up ahead: WATCH FOR WILD HORSES! Ammo Grrrll writes: What has become of Humanity? Even the last time I was in Maui (2001), which used to be my Happy Place on all the Earth, there were signs in parking lots for parks, beaches and museums: “Lock all your car doors. Do not leave anything visible in cars. We are not responsible for loss.” Maui is a small island. Almost
»
January 5, 2024 — Scott Johnson
You know what Ammoo Grrrll is talking about: WE LOVE NEW BEGINNINGS! She writes: Almost everybody loves do-overs, second chances, and planning how much better we are going to do THIS time. No, really. THIS time we really mean it! Hahaha. You know those little warnings at the end of ads for financial instruments: “Past performance is no guarantee of future results”? Yeah, well, actually, past performance turns out to
»
December 29, 2023 — Scott Johnson
Ammo Grrrll looks back to count A FEW THINGS I HAVE LEARNED THIS YEAR and throws in some good advice to boot. We look back with gratitude for her weekly contributions over the past 10 years. The grrrll thinks funny. She writes: In past years that have drawn to a close, I have felt compelled to offer a few New Year’s Resolutions. I will forego that this year for a
»
December 22, 2023 — Scott Johnson
In the spirit of the season Ammo Grrrll reflects on VALUES AND HOW WE GET THEM. She writes: I remember the scene in Annie Hall where Woody Allen meets Annie’s parents, who are ridiculous parodies of Jew-hating uptight gentiles, though to the best of my recollection neither of them was a college president. The Woody character imagines their viewing him with payess (sidecurls) and big Ultra-Orthodox headwear. Before the visit,
»
December 15, 2023 — Scott Johnson
Ammo Grrrll offers self-help advice on GETTING AHEAD IN AMERICA. She writes: In general I do not watch television, but the only time I watch CNN inadvertently is when I go next door to pick up my walking partner, The Paranoid Texan. He enjoys a Saturday morning show hosted by a guy named Smerconish. I wish I had a cool name like Smerconish. Susan Smerconish…it’s just fun to say, isn’t
»
December 8, 2023 — Scott Johnson
Ammo Grrrll draws FIVE LESSONS FROM CHANUKAH. She writes: Last night was the first night of Chanukah. We set out all our menorahs and lit the one candle with the “chamash” or helper candle in each one. It looked pretty festive, but I always make my Chanukah Party on the seventh or eighth night when it’s a veritable bonfire – five menorahs with 9 candles apiece! Quite glorious. There is
»
December 1, 2023 — Scott Johnson
Ammo Grrrll advocates LITMUS TESTS BEST FOR ACIDITY VS. ALKALINITY, not HUMAN BEINGS. She writes: This column will definitely not be in my Top 10 Most Humorous. There is something unfunny that I am compelled to discuss. I’ll be funnier next week. I see a tragic mistake being made over and over again in the commentariat. And it’s one which will ultimately cost us the 2024 election and possibly even
»
November 24, 2023 — Scott Johnson
Ammo Grrrll reflects on GRATITUDE, INGRATITUDE and SHAME. She writes: As I may have said here before – sometimes I feel like in 10 years I’ve said EVERYTHING here before – Thanksgiving is at least tied with 4th of July for my favorite holiday. First of all, the menu is hard to beat – Turkey, Gravy, Mashed Potatoes, Gravy, Cornbread/Hot Sausage Stuffing, Gravy, Squash, Cranberries, Scalloped Corn, Biscuits, and Gravy.
»
November 17, 2023 — Scott Johnson
Ammo Grrrll is not short of ammo in MIT-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E! She blasts away: A few days ago my friend and colleague John Hinderaker covered the disgrace that MIT has become. Let me quote from his first paragraph and allude to several other of his quotes. I just want to add my spin and outrage lest my head explode: “Some of the worst anti-Semitic campus outbursts of recent weeks have been
»
November 10, 2023 — Scott Johnson
If you need help separating HELPFUL STRATEGIES AND LESS HELPFUL, Ammo Grrrll has a few thoughts. She writes: The other night a few of our best friends in our Gated Geezerville sat down around a cozy firepit to eat, drink, laugh, and commiserate. It had been a tough summer for the three of us idiots who elected to stay in the aptly named Valley of the Stupid Sun for the
»
November 9, 2023 — Scott Johnson
In this extra edition Ammo Grrrll is thinking about FUNDRAISING SCAMS: Back when I used to do standup comedy for a living, I would sometimes end my routine by turning serious and asking people to “contribute to the Susan Vass Wildlife Fund.” I would point out that there would be collection buckets in the back as they left and then say, “Remember, if you don’t give, I can’t lead a
»
November 3, 2023 — Scott Johnson
We may be losing the United States, but we are gaining PHARMACEUTICAL NATION. Ammo Grrrll writes [Editor’s note: Ms. Grrrll, a special thanks for the laughs from the line this week]: Just within the space of my lifetime, we have seen the United States of America go from a mostly agrarian nation – a FARM NATION, if you will – to an urban nation and drug-dependent nation. Coincidence? You be
»
October 27, 2023 — Scott Johnson
Ammo Grrrll isn’t PACKING IT IN! She’s just recovering. She writes: My dear late Mother, child of the Depression, was always cheerful, but something of a Stoic. One of her more annoying little aphorisms when we kids whined about something was “I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes. Till I met a man who had no feet.” Oh, for Pete’s sake, Mama, not again with the guy
»
October 20, 2023 — Scott Johnson
Ammo Grrrll is all but singing CALL ME IRRESPONSIBLE! She writes: The American Value System we treasure is crumbling before our eyes from a number of sea changes in the culture. Some of the changes were slow and sneaky. Lately, some are arriving like runaway trains. But one thing’s for sure – the country bears scant resemblance to the country most of us grew up in. Why? The most serious
»
